We decided to start trying during a week-long trip to New Jersey for a wedding. Two weeks, and a positive pregnancy test later, I was genuinely shocked that my old ovaries didn't shoot out a dud on the first round. We had our first OB appointment, saw the baby (who looked like a seahorse with a hummingbird heartbeat), and started to get excited. Five days after that appointment, I hemorrhaged. Discovering that I was bleeding was one of the worst moments of my entire life. After a terrifying trip to the ER, we were informed that Little Buddy (which is what we had started calling the baby from about week 6) was still in there, and that I was just going to have to wait out the bleeding.
I bled, on and off, from week 7 until week 14. I was put on bed rest for a week, then had activity restrictions from week 8 until week 15. It would stop for a few days, and then return...usually in the middle of the night, leaving me to lie awake and wonder if this pregnancy was going to make it. I became depressed and withdrawn. I was afraid to register for baby items, because I had zero confidence in my ability to carry this pregnancy full term. Just looking at the few baby items we had been gifted brought tears to my eyes. I fought through going to work, and completing assignments for school, and had almost nothing left by the end of the day. E watched me stumble through my emotional ground zero, while doing whatever he could to pull me outside of my dark thoughts.
Once the bleeding stopped, I developed horrific migraines. Not just typical migraines, but migraines that came with the loss of an entire field of vision. When it first happened, I thought I was having a stroke. Now I have migraines and borderline high blood pressure, making me very high risk for preeclampsia. I worked out a good treatment plan with my neurologist, and started seeing an acupuncturist. The migraines are starting to back off in frequency and severity, and I'm beginning to feel cautiously optimistic.
While I may be an old, decrepit vessel, the baby is growing and healthy. All tests have come back normal, and he's a little on the big side for his gestational age. I'm so happy to be carrying a healthy baby, that I'm down for whatever strange and random things people want to share with me. I have read a number of blogs about women who hate having people touch their bump, or turn their noses up at unwanted advice and pregnancy horror stories. I have grown to appreciate Kim Kardashian's pregnancy nightmares, because her oversharing makes me feel less alone in white-knuckling my way through pregnancy.
Unsolicited pregnancy advice is to me, a reminder that I'm still pregnant, and that my bleeding never manifested into a worst-case scenario. This week was the first week where I look pregnant in my scrubs. At work, this has resulted in squeals, comments, and requests to touch my newly visible baby bump. Again, some view this as an invasion of privacy, where I see it as a reminder that Little Buddy is that much closer to viability if something else were to go wrong.
I have four months (if my pregnancy remains uncomplicated) for people to make unsolicited comments, to invade my privacy, and to share horrific pregnancy/labor/breastfeeding/sleepless night stories with me. To which I say, bring it on. Those horror stories remind me that you can have a nightmare pregnancy, and end up with a healthy baby. Go ahead and ask me if the baby was planned, if I'll be breast feeding, and how I plan to continue grad school and full-time work while caring for an infant. Ask me if you can touch my bump, or just go ahead and grab it totally uninvited. Tell me that I look like I'm having twins! While I may experience a moment of shock at some of the unsolicited comments, or at a surprise belly rub, underneath my startled look will be a feeling of gratitude that Little Buddy is in there doing his thing after a time of such great uncertainty.
**An unanticipated benefit of having multiple urgent OB visits, was receiving a whole series of ultrasound pics. Little Buddy is more photographed than a Kardashian.
